There's nothing more motivating than waking to your deluded wife querying how much you spent down the pub the night before, and then being informed your languid neighbour is taking legal action against the puddle of chunder leading up his driveway, over his door step, across his front garden and stopping at your gardens border.
In spite of this harrowing start to the day, the glorious Honeysuckle, not to be confused with a Bristolian's Chuckle (ooer ooer me-hearty ooer) has a jaw dropping aroma sure to send your puerile little brain into a wild frenzy.
As you're sat there laughing aloud like a millionnaire with Tequila in hand, trying in vain to convince your unreasonable neighbour you are not responsible for the numerous Tequila maggots sauntering across his patio, your pathetic brain may be drawn to the fact your tempatious Honeysuckle is attracting hundreds of pollinating, raunchy Moths to the neighbourhood turning it into a mini Hampstead Heath for the little blighters.
I can personally confirm that Robin's are also a big fan of the berries which grow from this sometimes aggressive climber, and this can be best demonstrated by the little puddles of shit they kindly leave on your windows and patio. Its also very frustrating when your wife chooses to feed the little sods cheese and other foodstuffs which result in the Robin having a better balanced diet and more regular bowel movements than yourself.
This said, the berries are poisonous to humans and lead to nausea and diarrhoea. Unfortunately I can validate this thanks to a Whisky fuelled attack which led me to eating the berries in retaliation to the little buggers eating me out of house and home. I was walking around for a week like John Wayne and my bottom hole felt like it had a wooden spoon lodged in it.
Next time you are smashed on Aftershock and dressed solely in your brown leather belt, chasing a Robin around your rage engulfed neighbours garden why not chirpily explain to the jealous fool what happened when you ate the berries and diffuse the situation by pelting Honeysuckle berries into his silly mouth.
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