The jaw dropping Snapdragon is a perennial bloom that thrives in a cooler climate and will leave your churlish little mind bewildered and confused by its beauty. The Snapdragon traditionally blooms around April, and then again in August and prefers a well-drained soil to protect its vulnerable roots from rot. This hardy floret can be sown from seed and can survive the most pathetic of winter months. It requires very little care and attention, doesn't take you for granted and smells divine, which I’m sure is more than can be said of your irritating immediate family.
Next time a tiresome, so-called close friend pops round with their repulsive child to spread malicious rumours why not take the child by their revolting little paw and point out the Snapdragon in your garden? Calmly explain to the nauseating adolescent they’re called Snapdragon’s because by pinching and releasing the sides of the petal its mouth opens and closes, reminiscent of a dragon. When their pathetic little mind begins to wander onto what to break/steal next, flick their ears, nudge them towards it and frantically shout that mischievous little children get hunted and eaten by Snapdragon’s. When they scream so loud it induces a mild spasm you can rest assured the loathsome friend and her tea-leaf child will not be coming around again anytime soon.
When you eventually evolve into an adult you will learn there’s nothing more rewarding in this pitiful little life than sauntering through a garden centre with a 4 pack in hand whilst taking in the delights of the Snapdragon. Not to be confused with ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ it’s likely to be frowned upon by the immature garden centre personnel if after a few cans you think it’s a great idea to take off your top, lay in a flower bed, yank a Snapdragon from its pot whilst lighting the end and proceeding to smoke it. Indeed, when threatened with being stoned if your behaviour continues it’s likely a response of “yes please you silly sausage” will be somewhat lost in translation.
Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea...
And frolicked in the Autumn mist, in a land called Honah Lee, oh!
Puff, the magic dragon, lived by the sea…
Ad frolicked in the Autmn mist, in a land called Honah Lee!!!
Next time you are stark naked and alone in your garden at midnight, completely ruined on Sambuca, howling ‘Puff the Magic Dragon’ at the top of your hapless voice whilst enthusiastically swinging on your neighbours washing line why not explain to your livid neighbour that you’re kindly performing a safety test of his washing line to ensure it doesn’t ever get blown far, far away, in the Autumn mist to a land called Honah Lee.
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