If you haven't yet been brought to your feeble little knees by this beautiful flower you are probably going to get your back doors smashed in and garden raided by the ‘Flower Police’ squadron. The Fuchsia is one of the most beautiful flowers in the world. They are the perfect example of longevity in a flower and can blossom from July onwards for many glorious laugh out loud months. They are a hardy flower that can potentially return every year to spread happiness into your sullen existence. Traditionally regarded as an upright flower Fuchsias look divine in a hanging basket and look equally as stunning in a pot, basket or flower bed.
Also known as ‘Swingtime’ it’s rumoured in various circles that Fuchsias are strategically planted in front gardens as a calling card to other likeminded passer-by’s that the occupants may be up for a bit of ‘slap and tickle’, or ‘how’s your mother’. I’m not saying that next time you spot a Fuchsia outside someone’s front door you should climb through their bedroom window and hop into bed with them, but if you happen to be this way inclined you may want to have a good gawp through their living room window trying to make eye contact and test the water. My wife, only last week cut down a Fuchsia in our front garden mistaking it for a weed, I was none too pleased and had a stern word, however, if she is reading this I would like to confirm this is purely a flower based love and I am not a Swinger at the time of writing.
Not to be confused with St Lucia this perfect flower needs to be carefully nurtured with just about the right amount of water, does not necessarily need full exposure to sun and will thus flourish in a partially shaded position. The flower itself looks reminiscent of a teardrop, so if you’re having a particularly testing time trying to grow a moustache, or have some uninvited immediate family pop round for a pointless spot of chitter-chatter it could set you off and turn you into a pathetic little blubbering imbecile.
A survey conducted by Flower of the Day (source, Flower of the Day, 2013, 1 respondent) has concluded that flowers are fast becoming the ‘in thing’ amongst young professionals and new home owners, so instead of spending this weekend falsifying status updates pretending you’re the life and soul of every party, why not cultivate a tomato bush? Another motivator may be the look of jealousy on your work friends faces when telling them what your weekend plans are.
Next time you are alone in your garden completely plastered on Rum, trying in vain to persuade your irate neighbour that all the smashed empties on their patio are nothing to do with you, why not diffuse the situation by grabbing a garden gnome, duck under the fence, hold the gnome in view of your neighbour and act out a little play for them in an Irish accent.
Gnome: “Sorry about all the smashed empties matey, now, why don’t yae run along yae little shit bag and SHUT THE HELL UP!”
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