….the Bluebell
Being a perennial the spectacular Bluebell will come back year after year to spread joy into your pitiful life throughout early spring. If you are a believer of witchcraft I would urge you not to cultivate Bluebells, because also known as 'Dead Man’s Bells' its rumoured in folklore that tiny little attractive male fairies cast magical spells on anyone wretched enough to pick or damage the majestic Bluebell. This said, I would urge you to take in its aroma but be warned: the beautiful yet delicate smell may bring you to your futile knees and if unlucky enough to fall into a bunch of these delightful florets you may be physically assaulted by a sexy little naked male fairy.
Not to be confused with a doorbell you can spot a Bluebell in its early stages by a bunch of limp leaves which lead to a long, smooth slender stem and then explode into a joy to behold. Bluebells prefer partial shade but can mature in most conditions and being quite a wild flower spread like a nasty bout of diarrhoea in a dogs day centre.
It is also rumoured that many years ago senile elderly women (40+) used the starch from crushed Bluebells to stiffen shirt collars prior to ironing. I spent 15 minutes of my time crushing Bluebells and extracting the starch to present to my Wife as an anniversary gift. She was not very impressed when I told her it can be used as a stiffening agent and I can only assume thought I was trying to get my leg over.
Next time you are alone in your garden completely smashed on Peach Schnapps and pretending to be on your phone to someone famous take a moment to try and spot a Bluebell in its full glory, and use this as motivation to jump start your pathetic little life.
No comments:
Post a Comment